


waking up

by thedevilsgarden



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 18:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14407731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevilsgarden/pseuds/thedevilsgarden
Summary: Tilly is stuck between two worlds: the real, and the imagined. Some days, it’s nearly impossible to tell them apart.





	waking up

Tilly is stuck between two worlds: the real, and the imagined.

Some days, it’s nearly impossible to tell them apart.

* * * * *

The pills have helped, but they haven’t cured her.

When she looks in the mirror, she still sees two people. Two versions of herself, lodged in the same body, fighting for control.

* * * * *

It turns out she’s invisible, that no one in town has ever really seen her.

It’s a devastating realization, one that winds itself around her heart and constricts, until Tilly feels homesick for a place that doesn’t exist.

She decides to run away, to see if she can’t find somewhere better to build a life. That’s when she steps in front of a moving car, just before somebody yanks her back.

Time stops for a moment, and then speeds up, as a friendly girl with a crooked smile teases her about her troll and talks about faraway Tibetan monks and past mistakes, all while she looks right at Tilly, stares deep into her eyes, and sees her.

Rogers sees her, too, it turns out.

“You can stay with me,” he says, once the charges have been dropped, and Tilly accepts.

It’s a fresh start, and she’s going to make the most of it.

* * * * *

The girl’s name is Margot, she finds out.

It’s a perfectly nice name, but somehow, Tilly doesn’t think it fits.

* * * * *

She runs into Margot on the street, quite literally, and nearly topples over.

Margot catches her.

“You should really watch where you’re going,” she says lightly. “One of these days I won’t be here to save you.”

“I don’t need saving,” Tilly replies, even though she most definitely does. Just not from clumsy collisions on the street.

“All right,” Margot says. “Then how about a friend?”

“Yeah.” Tilly nods, a pleasant warmth settling inside her. “A friend sounds good.”

* * * * *

Margot starts working at Roni’s part-time, and Tilly occasionally pops in to see her.

She likes watching Margot mix drinks, likes that stern look of concentration, the way her eyebrows knit together and her teeth sink into her bottom lip. She imagines that same look on Margot’s face as she lines up an arrow on a long wooden bow and fires it at a moving target.

It’s an odd scene to conjure up, but it returns to her again and again in vivid detail as Margot prepares a few more cocktails. She just keeps seeing that same bow and arrow, and even a small rabbit jumping through tall blades of grass.

“Have you ever tried archery?” she asks.

If Margot is at all surprised by the question, it doesn’t show.

“Nope,” she says. “I’ve always been bad at sports.”

“Oh.”

“When I was eight I joined a soccer team,” Margot says, smiling to herself. “I was terrible. At our first game, I scored on my own team. Twice.”

Tilly makes a face. “Ouch.”

“How about you?” Margot asks.

“Never played soccer,” Tilly says. “But I’m good at running.”

“Yeah,” Margot murmurs, catching her mother’s eye across the room. “So am I.”

* * * * *

Tilly has always struggled with the two competing sides of herself. The one that belongs in Hyperion Heights, and the one that plants bad ideas in her brain.

And now when she looks at Margot, she starts seeing double, too. And she starts remembering things about her that can’t be real, memories that stick with her for hours at a time, making her question her own sanity.

She tries to explain it to Rogers, but the words come out all jumbled and confused.

“I don’t understand,” he says, and honestly, neither does she. “You mean you’re hallucinating?”

She closes her eyes for a moment and sees Rogers in a long black coat, with a metal hook for a hand. She opens her eyes again, and Rogers is there in front of her, completely himself.

“No, I’m remembering things,” she says. “Things that don’t make sense. It’s like I have memories that don’t belong to me.”

Rogers tries his best to sympathize, but in the end he comes up short.

“I’m scared,” she says, and all he can do is wrap her up in a hug and tell her not to worry, that everything will be all right in the end.

A month ago she might have believed him. Now she’s not so sure.

* * * * *

After their spontaneous first date, the two girls make plans to see a movie, and Tilly picks Margot up at the bar around seven. Her mother is there, as is Roni, and they both go silent when she walks in.

Margot has her mother’s eyes, Tilly thinks, but none of her sharp edges. Kelly is a striking woman, there’s no denying that, but she lacks Margot’s warmth.

“Mom,” Margot says. “This is Tilly. We met a couple of weeks ago.”

Kelly’s expression goes though several odd shifts, then. Surprise morphs into uncertainty, which then yields to caution. For a brief moment, she turns and shares a meaningful look with Roni.

“Well,” Kelly finally says, her smile strained. “It’s lovely to meet you, Tilly.”

“Yes,” Roni chimes in. “Nice to meet you. For the first time.”

Tilly is hit with an image of Roni in a tight, extravagant dress, a fireball swirling in her hand. She sees Roni surrounded by purple smoke, and Kelly next to her in a witch’s costume, surrounded by green.

“Cool…” Margot says. “And why are you guys acting so weird?”

“Weird?” Kelly says. “Why would you-”

“It’s just been a difficult day,” Roni says, her voice low and gravelly and oddly familiar. “Your mother and I are both…tired.”

“Oh,” Margot says, her suspicion melting into understanding. “Of course. We’ll just get going, let you both get some rest.”

The moment they’re outside the bar, Tilly releases a long breath.

For the next few hours, all through the movie, there are green and purple spots dancing at the edges of her vision.

* * * * *

For their third date Tilly wears a dress, which feels excessive, but Rogers insists that Margot will like it. He leaves her hair alone, but he takes her out to a store to buy a pair of shoes that will match the dress.

It feels wrong, dressing up like this. Like she’s pretending to be something she’s not.

But Rogers’s instincts were right, it turns out, because Margot shows up at the restaurant in a dress, too. She’s absolutely gorgeous, and Tilly stares at her for a long time, probably too long, before she finally works up the nerve to speak.

“It’s hard for me to think with you looking like that,” Tilly says, in lieu of a greeting. “It’s easier when you’re wearing normal clothes.”

It’s the wrong thing to say, she’s sure of it, but Margot just grins.

“I know what you mean. You look beautiful, though.”

“You too,” Tilly says. “I meant to say that.”

“You didn’t have to,” Margot says. “I mean, you stared at my boobs for a full ten seconds when I walked in, so…”

“What? No, I-”

“Relax,” Margot says, reaching across the table for her hand. “I’m messing with you.”

“Oh.” She can feels her cheeks go red. “Right.”

Tilly stares down at her menu, eyes flicking from one item to the next, without registering a single word. Being out on a date is more overwhelming than she might have guessed, with the clinking of silverware and the hushed conversations and the waiters weaving around the tables in those crisp white shirts. It’s like all of her senses are going into overdrive.

She nearly jumps when Margot reaches across the table to touch her arm.

“Hey,” Margot says, her expression softening. “If you’re not comfortable here, we don’t have to do this. We can just go back to my place and…watch a movie or something.”

Tilly bites her lip. “Really?”

She doesn’t want to ruin this. To chase away the first good thing that’s come along in over a decade. But she also knows that if she pushes herself too far, if she’s not careful, she’ll lose it completely.

“Yeah, of course. And I like pizza way better than French food, so…” Margot smiles expectantly. “You wanna get outta here?”

Tilly nods a bunch of times, and Margot calls over the waiter to pay for their drinks.

* * * * *

They end up watching some dumb romantic comedy, curled up on Margot’s couch in their pretty dresses, drinking grape soda and feeding each other cheesy slices of pizza.

It’s easy, being with Margot. Impossibly easy.

Tilly hopes she’ll stay in Hyperion Heights for a long time.

They’re about half an hour into the movie when she starts to feel Margot’s eyes on her.

“What?” she says, turning to face her. “Is something wrong?”

“No.” Margot shakes her head, smiling fondly. “Your reactions are just way more entertaining than the movie.”

And then she leans in and presses a kiss to Tilly’s cheek. Afterwards she pulls back and smiles, all soft and sweet, and Tilly feels her cheeks warm.

“So,” Margot says. “You want another slice of pizza or-”

Tilly leans in and captures her lips in a gentle kiss, her hands moving to Margot’s cheeks as images of a modest house and long makeouts by a quiet lake enter her mind. When Margot doesn’t respond right away, Tilly starts to pull away. But Margot’s surprise only lasts a few seconds, and then she’s kissing back, her hands moving to Tilly’s waist, gripping the fine material of her dress.

Margot’s lips are soft and pliant and Tilly presses kiss after kiss to every inch of her mouth. Her eagerness makes Margot giggle, but she doesn’t protest, returning each kiss with just as much enthusiasm. Tilly ends up straddling her as their kisses become faster and more urgent, Margot’s hands tangling in her hair and caressing her cheeks. The dress makes it difficult for Tilly to be in this position, with how constricting the material is, and she shimmies a bit to try and get more comfortable.

Then Margot’s hands move to the backs of her thighs to hike up the skirt of her dress, and Tilly freezes.

“No, don’t,” she says, breaking their kiss, and Margot stares up at her in confusion.

“What? What’s wrong?” And then she holds up her hands, breaking all contact, and Tilly instantly relaxes. “Did I do something?”

“I just…I didn’t know we were going to…” Tilly makes a vague sort of motion with her hand, and Margot’s eyes widen in understanding.

“Oh, no, that’s not-” she stops, gesturing to Tilly’s dress. “I was just trying to-you know, since the dress was so tight. You seemed uncomfortable. If we lifted it up a bit, then you could sit without-”

“Oh.” Tilly ducks her head, and the embarrassment quickly sets in. “Sorry, I just assumed-”

“No, it was my fault,” Margot says. “But…Tilly, you know I don’t…expect anything from you, right? I mean if it happens, that’s-that’s great. But that’s not why I-”

Tilly nods.

“I know.”

Margot hesitates, and then tentatively reaches out a hand to brush a stray curl behind her ear. “I really, really like you.”

Tilly smiles, wide and real, and she’s so warm and filled with emotion that she thinks she might burst. 

“I like you, too. A lot.”

Margot grins back at her, taking her hands and giving them a squeeze.

“Good.”

And something feels familiar about this exchange, like they’ve done it before. But it’s probably just in her head, like nearly everything else, only everything her imagination has conjured up feels more real every day.

* * * * *

She doesn’t fall apart in front of Margot, not for the next several weeks. She’s careful about how much she reveals to her, concerned that she might be overwhelmed by her quirks and oddities and immediately end the beautiful thing that’s started between them.

Margot insisted, after that first date at the book shop, that she would never be scared off by any of that. But Tilly has been dealing with stares and judgments and name-calling her whole life, so it’s hard for her to believe that Margot’s patience with her would be endless.

But one Friday she skips her meds by mistake and ends up breaking down in the middle of Roni’s, right in front of Margot. It’s the middle of the day and there are customers to worry about, so Margot ushers her into a back room and gently takes her face in her hands.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

“No. I’m not,” Tilly says. “I keep seeing things that aren’t there. Different sides to people. And I see you sometimes, all dressed up in odd clothes, shooting arrows in a forest. And I know it’s not real, but it feels real, like I could reach out and touch it-”

“Woah, slow down.” Margot says. “Breathe.”

Tilly takes a few deep breaths, but they don’t do much to calm her.

“What if I’ve lost it?” Tilly wonders, her voice barely audible. “What if I really am crazy?”

“You’re not,” Margot insists. “You’ve just got stuff to work through. We all do.”

"How come you believe in me so much?" Tilly says. "When I don't even believe in myself?"

"Because I love you," Margot says, surprising them both, and those words bring on a whole slew of new memories.

“I feel a bit dizzy.”

The images are coming too fast, flooding her senses, making it impossible to focus on any one thing. At some point she loses consciousness, hitting her head against a shelf before she collapses on the floor.

The last thing she hears is Margot’s voice, somewhat muted.

“Tilly, wake up,” Margot pleads, cradling Tilly’s face in her hands. “God, please be okay. Please.”

And then she presses a kiss to Tilly’s forehead, soft and reverent, and the whole neighborhood jolts.

As Tilly’s eyes flicker open, everything rushes back to her, and Margot blinks at her, stunned.

“Alice?” she says.

"Robin?" 

Tilly sits up and studies Margot's face for a moment, her mind clear for the first time in months. This time, when she kisses Margot, when she kisses Robin, there aren't any voices or flashes of her past in the way. 

* * * * *

The curse is broken, but the damage is permanent.

Alice has been split down the middle for good. Tilly will always live inside her, the same lost, directionless girl, desperate for a home.

In many ways she and Alice aren't so different. Alice is fractured, too. But now she can start to piece herself back together, one bit at a time. 

It'll take a while, but she's starting to think her father was right. 

Everything will be all right in the end.


End file.
